Karen Krajenbrink, formerly affiliated with Blue Dream Studios, dropped a comment in my Arkaina review. She wanted me to back up my off-handed derision of DC, something I can do without much fluff. This shit wasn’t even on my radar, but I can knock it off easy enough.

Let me be clear. I don’t like DC. I don’t like anything about it. But I do see where the fandom comes from: it’s accessible, presents consistent-storytelling, full-color professional art, M-F-updates, long-running plot, pro web-design, etc…

I’m not the type to dislike what’s popular, I just hate what I hate. And by God, do I hate CG comics on a case-by-case level (re: Furries, Mangu, Gamers, Photo). As a photo-comicker, how’s that prejudice for irony. But if it were hand-drawn, I wouldn’t like it any better. Time for arguments lah.

Here we go: The Dreamland Chronicles

DC is sitting near 500 full-color computer-generated strips, meaning the artist has made models, a lot of models, a lot of backgrounds, and has weaved together a composition of characters and settings. It takes not only computer skills for this, but your normal, necessary eye for character design, framing, and color-balance. It’s skill-level legit, for sure.

The story’s focus is on Alex, something of a dreamwalker, who, as a child, enjoyed nocturnal adventures until a big, mean dragon cut his tie. Now, the 20-year-old college kid has found his way back to the fantasy and romance of his childhood.

CG comics make my eyes bleed, even this one, the top of the stack. Nowadays anyone can buy a skin program and build their own. DC isn’t like that, BDStudios made their own shit, and it looks 10x better than the rest. The lines are smooth, the colors are soft, and there’s been actual improvement over time. My problem with the art is the Uncanny Valley, a psychological reaction to things that look too close to reality, but obviously aren’t.

You can argue against the Uncanny Valley, but as a student of the theory, I believe in it. Why do your characters look fake and creepy? Thousands of shitty artists draw absolute crap and they never look stiff and mechanical, they just look out of proportion and lumpy. DC and CG-as-a-genre has a certain wannabe feel to it, and no amount of polish can distract me from thinking that the art tries too hard to be real, but ultimately fails. THAT is Uncanny Valley.

As I hinted, the gorgeous, yet disruptive CG art isn’t my only issue. My real problem is the premise/plot/pacing.

What DC makes up in volume, they lose in content–it takes a full week of strips to equal what I consider minimal progression. It feels like they’re ‘mailing it in’ 3/4 of the time, and the rare payoff is just as brief as any other strip in the project. The constant re-grounding in the boring non-dream reality between Alex and his roomie is overplayed since it doesn’t actually seem to be going anywhere—I’d rather have Alex fucking locked into the dream in a .//hack-esque struggle for existence. And still, as the plot meanders along, I don’t get the impression any of this bullshit actually matters. It needs more threat.

And segue into my 2nd issue, now with the plot/premise.

It’s too fucking kiddie.

And I like stories aimed at children and the skittish mainstream market

But DC feels totally half-assed, ballless, on all accounts. It’s not hardcore enough for a bathed-in-blood Young Adult novel, let alone does it muster the voice of real college students. I’m not talking about sex and cursing. How stunted in Alex? Didn’t he develop into an adult in the last 8 years since his last jaunt into the fray? I’m not sure what frilly fucking dreamworld you live in, but real people, and real kids, can relate to something far more true-to-life (read:dark) than you seem prepared to show.

This is a fucking Saturday morning cartoon, sold as YA-Adult fantasy, but without the simple gonads of a Pokemon/Yu-gi-oh episode. You fail at tone. Utterly flawed in anything resembling a serious, compelling voice.

Yet you have a million readers. I’m not one of them.

If my argument against DC isn’t convincing, I really don’t care. Would I pay to read it? No. As pro as it is, the whole fucking thing makes my skin crawl. You’re selling a unique premise on art and consistent updates. I can’t slight your production or work ethic, but I feel very comfortable shredding your story. Enjoy your success. You have earned it, I just don’t buy it.